I had quite a few people ask that I post about our pregnancy journey on Facebook...however, I've always wanted to avoid becoming one of "those people" who's Facebook page is their baby's Facebook ;) But! I am happy to write some funny blog postings about it!
Being pregnant is weird. Yes, I'm sometimes a little too crass about life's "wonders", but I know there are other people out there who want to know the real scoop on pregnancy and also laugh about it. I am going to make light of this experience - even though I know the precious little bundle of joy at the end of the journey is worth every moment of it. These blog postings may sound like I am complaining, but rather it's my coping method - to bring humor to some of the worst aspects of these big changes ;)
My body is mutating into something I do not recognize...although my boobs now remind me of the character "Bane" in Batman - veins everywhere minus me breathing out of a tube, but I'm sure that will come later. Even putting on a jacket hurts and I cannot sleep without a "knocker harness" now. I fear that without this constraint my mammary glands would fall into my armpit, never to return to their normal shape and is woefully painful.
Blue veins and all...
Sometimes I wake up and forget I'm pregnant...and then the nausea and exhaustion kicks in, as a beautiful reminder ;) I wake up every 2-3 hours each night and I'm starting to forget what a good night's rest is. I have this type of sleep schedule to look forward to for the next year or so. Awesome. You would think I have a 40 hour job in the restroom but no, it is just my bladder controlling my life. Like a little miniature Stalin or Hitler, ruling my existence - it demands, and I must serve. I somewhat feel like a captive in my body...I want to get chores and work done, but then I find myself falling asleep while doing dishes. I think people would mistake me for having narcolepsy...but alas, I am just pregnant.
People expect you to feel and function like "normal" but your body is busy doing things that are anything but normal. I do not have the energy reserves that I used to...For example, cleaning my house and throwing a party sounds like something next to Chinese water torture in my mind, but I will do it because I love my friends...and Arbonne has some cool products they can test out. I will be the lazy pregnant person sleeping on the couch in the corner. I still love you ;)
I think women who have already had children like to sugar coat pregnancy so that this civilization will continue to procreate for the sake of the future. If people knew the "joys" of pregnancy and child birth, I think less people would reproduce ;) "Being a mom is great!" but you never hear "pregnancy is the best!" or "Child birth is my favorite thing in the world, as is pooping on the doctor in the delivery room!" Or "I love having my taint split in half, so that I now function like a chicken. One hole!". Nope. It's like a hidden secret. Being part of the Mom Sorority is seen as "cool" but the things you have to do to get there...not fun. And they will break you.
I headed over to Old Navy to buy some cheap stretchy jeggings instead of fully accepting my fate with maternity pants. As I waited in line, I saw some woman holding her baby over her arm, as it drunkenly spewed spoiled milk all over the floor. Sounds of thick liquid hitting concrete filled the space and I'm sure my face melted into a frown similar to the Muppet's "Beaker". Some splatter made it onto the clothes rack and this woman kept going about her shopping while on the phone and unintentionally giving her baby the Heimlich maneuver. Either the woman did not realize the baby was puking everywhere or she didn't care. Based on how she improperly held her child, I'm guessing it is the latter. She just strolled on as her baby left a snail trail of white, chunky vomit. "Oh that's so cute!!!" No! It was not.
Minutes later I watched a store clerk glance down at the floor in confusion at this "mystery substance" and begrudgingly wiped it up with a cloth...I could then see her facial reaction to what must have been a bitter, nauseating smell. She shook her head as she dumped the towels into the trash..."I don't get paid enough to do this". And I thought to myself, "No...you don't."
Babies are cute, don't get me wrong. But to say they are always cute and fuzzy...is false.
Let's talk about hormones! I can say with 90% confidence that I've been really good about not being 'hormonal". I did notice that I teared up at a military enrollment commercial...and realized this was absurd. But honestly, pregnancy doesn't make you cry at the drop of a hat. If you're a chill person, you're going to be chill with your pregnancy. If you're emotional and all over the place...pregnancy is going to be rough for you. I haven't had the urge to kill anyone, aside from my usual annoyance at people's poor driving skills...aside from that I feel like myself, just a very tired, worn down self. If this baby were an interrogator...he/she would be winning. I'm getting to the point where my work is slipping and I am nearing sleep deprivation.
Hunger...I want you to know that I've had true hunger pains in my life. I have actually starved to the point where my bowels shut down and I stopped going to the bathroom after my adult tonsillectomy and a horrific infection. The University of Michigan proceeded to tell me I was "fine", which was hilarious after losing 15lbs or more. Silly Wolverines. So, I know what it feels like to be hungry and starving...However, I can't really explain this persistent and insatiable hunger that has been gaining in power over the last 8-9 weeks. If there were some parasitic alien that implanted itself into your brain and it's main mission was to consume all the food on the planet through your body, and your body alone...that is similar to the type of hunger I've been experiencing. I want to eat. Everything. Always. If I were being hormonal at all...this is where the rage comes from. Hanger. Hanger may have been invented by pregnant women.
Apparently, I'm supposed to gain 25-35lbs throughout this entire pregnancy. Last I knew the average baby weighs about 7.5lbs...guess what the rest is? The rest of the weight is the invisible food demon you're feeding. That's right. When you get pregnant, you also conceive a food demon. A true two-for-one deal! For example, I haven't had fast food in eons...but while driving with Ron the other day, I demanded he pull over and get me McDonald's. What?!? "Oh my God. Ron. Plastic cheese, salty GMO fries. Pull over!! Yum!"
Ron looked concerned..."I don't know who you are, or what you've done with Samantha...but bring her back! Plastic cheese and GMOs?! You are an imposter in Samantha's body..."
I'm sure my eyes also blackened and rolled back, much like a great white shark as I sank my teeth into the fake food. It tasted amazing though. Immediately after my food frenzy I was ashamed. "Don't ever let me do that again." This is what I have turned into...
Apparently Ron also found great delight in watching my good friend Mallory (who's also pregnant) and I "function" in public. It was like watching the two velociraptors in Jurassic Park during the kitchen scene. "Oh my God. Do you smell that? Yes. Oh, let's get food." as we stalked the air for a trail to food. This is Mal and I talking to each other...
So what do I have to look forward to? Lots! :) Aside from a lovely little baby, I am looking forward to my second trimester...but I am also concerned. The second trimester is like the eye of the hurricane...a false sense of security...a calm before the storm. Then you move on to the third trimester which is like a horrible echo of the first trimester (peeing, starving, sleepless, uncomfortable). And then boom! Out comes the baby. I'll write my thoughts on child birth soon... ;)
I am so blessed to have a partner that thinks pregnant women, stretch marks and scars are beautiful and even attractive. I remember hearing Ron say that when we first were dating and making a mental note that I approved of his stance on this..."Good...because I'm probably going to look like a whale and feel very insecure whenever I have kids." Ron has been amazing and super supportive. Another great thing is when you're in the early stages of pregnancy your significant other will kiss and talk to your fat roll, thinking it is a baby. But just let them think it's the baby and smile ;)
Hope you all got to enjoy some giggles and know I'm being dramatic. So far, aside from the cramps and other symptoms, it has been a piece of cake. Women have been doing this for thousands of years and I plan to take it like a champ ;)
Well we had a glimpse of spring here in Traverse City...there were spots of grass and as of last night we now have snow again, ha! The bulldogs seemed confused when I opened the door and they looked at the snow-covered porch..."It's back again! What?!" as they slowly sauntered outside.
I wanted to talk about egocentric people and mindsets today. I like to think that if we raise awareness on how selfish people think, and why they function the way they do, that we can help them evolve. This also helps those who are faced with egotistical individuals, and realize why they act the way they do...perhaps we can have compassion for them and understand them better.
You can tell if someone is selfish by their actions and thought process...they have a hard time with, or lack the ability, to give openly. Typically, they'll think of how this giving will affect them first, what they can get in return, etc. After giving they feel empty, or needing to be rewarded, filled back up or praised. "Give without expectations" is not something they encompass. They feel they never have enough, no matter what facet of life we are referring to.
They think of themselves first and can turn just about any situation into something "about them". I've seen it happen with someone's death or funeral, a new relationship, someone's job promotion, or pretty much any other life events...it will translate into how it affects them.
People who are selfish exist in a lower energy level and typically are less evolved souls. Often this withholding and self-centeredness emanates from fear. Fear that they don't have enough, that they will be left behind, that their own needs and desires will not be met, and so on.
I believe that these people felt they weren't nurtured enough in their upbringing and instead of mastering self love...they put the burden of their fears and neediness onto other people. Consequently, projecting themselves as "selfish". An excessive concern with their own needs and self.
I think they often find their fulfillment through others, rather than from within themselves...they constantly look to others to nurture them or provide for them, and can even turn into what we call "psychic vampires". They can suck your energy, happiness, and health from you through direct and indirect ways. People find them to be depressing, negative, and tiring...similar to a blackhole. Instead of radiating love and happiness outwardly, their energy "pull" is an external to internal movement...much like a blackhole. A vacuum type of motion that moves from outside of themselves to inside themselves - if that makes sense. They need to be the center of attention...probably because they felt they weren't given enough attention growing up.
They often think in the negative, instead of the positive, and can eventually manifest their worst fears...creating a sort of self-defeating cycle.
Everything for them links back to "self" - which to me seems to be the opposite of God. God or the Divine, is really about everyone and everything...a connectedness...whereas "self" is singular, limited, and lonely. The divine is limitless, infinite, and conjoined.
Again, I'm going to connect this to the good vs. evil spectrum, lol sorry! But if you look at the vices the "dark side" wants you to indulge in...it is all "self centered" and individualistic. Sort of where our society has been slipping towards. Instead of focusing on others, our world together, what connects us...we're moving towards "me, myself, and I". Many of these vices are solitary and lead to being isolated...back towards the "self" side of the spectrum. Vices, that if prolonged, will leave you alone and by yourself.
These are just some observations I've noticed...if you're dealing with someone who is egocentric, narcissistic, or even bordering on sociopathic...realize that they are all stuck in "self" mode, unable to see the bigger picture due to fear.
So how can we beat being selfish? Put your focus on others! Obviously make sure you love yourself before you begin to love others, but shift your focus towards the outside world. Give without expecting to receive anything, love openly and as often as you can, help whenever you're able to, and you will find that true fulfillment can come from loving and assisting others. :)
It's Saturday morning and I should probably be working but I felt like writing for a bit instead :)
I had a "feel good" moment earlier this week that I wanted to share but not for the purpose of tooting my own horn, but to note that I am so glad I took that opportunity to help someone. Helping others makes you feel good, or at least it has that effect on me...but when people are constantly needy, that's another story!
I was at an office doing some commercial work and was waiting for my client to wrap up a patient visit. While I was in the waiting room I heard a bunch of commotion, heavy breathing, and clunking against the front door. I looked over and saw some poor soul in need of help. There was a disabled woman trapped between the door and her scooter. The man next to me in the waiting room was oblivious with his earbuds in and the staff were chatting behind the glass about vacation rentals, not noticing what was unfolding.
The handicap door was broken and the second interior door didn't seem to be handicap accessible - there wasn't an automatic opener. She was trying to pry open the door with one arm, drive her scooter through with her other arm, and was falling out of her seat. I jumped up and went over to her, "Jesus! Let me help you!" I think I unknowingly said this because I've had times where I've tried to help someone and they were not having any of it...in fact me helping them was considered offensive, ha! So "let me help you" is my opening statement which also serves to communicate, "I'm trying to help, so don't bite my head off please". :)
I'm appreciative of adrenaline in situations like this because you can lift more weight than normal, and was a great aid in getting this "fluffy" (to put it politely) woman back into her seat. Had she slid further out and onto the floor, I'm not so sure I would have been able to lift her! I noticed she had a severe sore on her leg and energy-wise she was not doing too well. She seemed depressed and exhausted with life. I felt she was a diabetic and experiencing some circulation issues which was causing her leg sore.
"I'm not sure if this is the place I'm supposed to be!" she exclaimed as she got situated. I informed her which doctor's office it was but she was still unsure. We went to the receptionist counter and they looked at me as if was hindering them again from their lunch break. "This lady needs your help." They seemed confused because this woman wasn't within their viewing height. She rolled her scooter up to the counter and I returned to my seat.
"I'm looking for the wound clinic?" "It's downstairs..." the manager blatantly stated. "Is there an elevator?" "No." "So I have to pack up this thing and drive down to the back side?" the woman motioned to her scooter. "Yes, there's no way to get downstairs from here."
The manager slid the counter glass shut and I couldn't help but feel sorry for this woman. Daily life was a struggle for her and doing something seemingly simple for the rest of us, like going to a doctor's appointment, was a large task for her.
"Let me get the door for you again. Sorry this isn't the right office! I think you just drive around to the back and there's another entrance there." I tried to comfort her in my awkward ways and escorted her outside.
I could sense she hated being in that scooter and being disabled. She felt imprisoned, judged, and was likely treated poorly. She stared at her minivan for a moment and sighed. "Hey, do you think you could drive my van down to the entrance for me?" I agreed as she stuffed her keys in my hand trustingly. Off she zoomed in her scooter (at an impressive speed I might add) down the hill and I climbed into her van. It was clear this woman was extremely impoverished. Her old van was breaking down, cluttered, and I could smell the distinct aroma of cats. She probably was an animal lover and her cats kept her company in her solitary life. She was unmarried and a bit bitter. Being an empath, I sometimes begin to "feel" someone's energy which can include details about them.
I prayed to myself that in the short distance I had to drive, I wouldn't crash or get sued for trying to do something nice. Sometimes you hear horror stories about people getting sued or in trouble for trying to assist others, ha! I trusted that the Divine would ensure me a safe journey ;) I drove down the hill, around the corner and found her a nice parking spot that was close to the door...and I got to park in a handicap spot! Yes! I figured I would capitalize on that opportunity and take advance of that one small perk. So this is what it feels like to park in a handicap spot... ;)
After parking I found her inside by the counter and decided to try one last attempt at cheering her up. "I almost took off with it down to Mexico..." I said as I handed over her keys. She fumbled to put her keys back in her purse hanging from the handles. "There wouldn't be enough gas..." she mumbled to herself as if going over a to-do list. Another expense that weighed on her mind. But then stopped and looked up at me, for the first time, realizing I was making a joke. I smiled. She paused and then said, "Thank you...so much." She seemed sincere. "My pleasure. I hope you all have a wonderful day!" I said to the waiting room and left after receiving some confused looks. I walked around to the upper front level of the building hoping to myself that she would get a nice break in life. Had I won that 1.5 billion dollar Powerball I would've made sure she was set up nicely...cats and all :)
My client's receptionist was outside holding the door for me. "Dr. ____ is ready for you. Sorry, I thought that woman had a driver!"
So what is the moral of the story, Sam? Well I don't know...but I think it would be that taking time to be aware of others and their needs is necessary sometimes. Treating others with kindness should be a default and make sure you take time to laugh...or try to find humor in your daily life - it makes things easier. Often times people are struggling much more than what we can see, or what they allow us to see, and sometimes it's nice to know that others care during their personal tribulations.
Hey everyone! Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, happy new year, etc.!
This posting is going to get a little bit deep, philosophical, or even "fruity" lol...so buckle up or put on your scuba gear! ;) Sometimes I'll be in quiet contemplation when all of a sudden a quote, lecture or concept comes into my head. It could be my imagination but it's often an "external source" if that makes sense? Often it is when I am hurting or trying to understand something...hence why I suspect it might be from the Divine - almost a way of comforting me. It'll be a concept that I previously did not hold, or a philosophy I never considered and BOOM it comes rushing in. Usually I'll write it down and I've considered putting these into a book but usually I end up writing blogs like this. So! "Alone" or "Loneliness"... Sometimes the holiday season has people feeling down or alone. But what is "feeling alone"? Hopeless? Left out? Abandoned? Isolated? Depressed? "Alone" is a falsehood and is only a feeling. When we bring in a spiritual aspect, we are never alone. We are not alone on this planet or in this universe. We are surrounded by one another and by the Divine, whether people see this truth or not. Our only problem is if we don't allow ourselves to reach out - when we choose to be blind to reality. We block ourselves from reaching out to others and to Spirit, often out of fear, giving up hope, or a false belief that no one understands or is there for us. Alone is a lie and quite possibly of the "dark side's" telling. (Oh no, here she's goes again about good vs. evil, ha...)
If you're not religious or spiritual (there is a difference), it may seem that "alone" is factual and truth. But I assure you it is not! Alone is really existing without God, in a sense. No, I wasn't brainwashed as a child to believe in the Divine, and I have wandered outside of religion to question truths...but only to come back to my beliefs with more certainty. I've seen and experienced so many things that validate my belief in "the beyond" through 16+ years of research in metaphysics. It's hard to take someone's word, like mine, as "true" when someone hasn't experienced these things, but I'm trying to "report back" to the population that there is something to it. Our world extends way beyond what we see and experience. Whether you believe in God or not, I think the teachings of Jesus and others are profound and admirable. These "messengers" were here to let us know that life continues, that God is real and is a part of each and every one of us. They taught about Love.
Yes, we can be physically "alone" but that is only in a physical, earthly sense. You can be alone in your home but your neighbors are nearby, you have family and friends, and loved ones that are available. Even your pets are there for you with their love! Being alone almost seems like a choice....a mindset. If you're feeling alone, are you choosing to do so? What could you do to change this situation?
Unfortunately, there are some souls who live a lonely existence. They have no family or friends, but at some point we have to be responsible for our isolation. If you're alone this holiday season, reach out. Perhaps volunteer at a shelter, connect with other people, and embrace the "food" that being with others can nourish you with. Sometimes we need to recharge our spiritual batteries, so to speak. And spending time with others can do just that! The holidays are about spending time with our loved ones, about being appreciative and giving love.
Love can cure "alone". Love is all encompassing, limitless, and powerful. Love is essentially God. I'm not talking about some bearded man on a golden throne casting judgement upon you. ;) But the essence of God. Great Spirit is pure love and light. It is a part of everything and we all hold a piece of this Source within ourselves. We can directly connect to this love. The opposite of "loneliness" is "aloneness"...So what does aloneness mean? Well kiddies....here you go! ;)
So I want to discuss feeling "alone" and from what I've observed working in the paranormal field, as I think it's rather fascinating in the way it seems to verify that "alone" is really from the dark side of the spiritual spectrum. It's dark in nature and seems to not be of the divine.
I'm not asking you to believe in "demons" but from the demonic cases I've worked on there is a common denominator. "Isolation" or being alone. These entities perpetuate isolation in various ways. It is their goal. They strive to make someone feel alone and helpless; they encourage people to become alone emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They break down individuals, families, relationships, and so on. They often influence people behind the scenes, unseen and unannounced. Hence why actual "demonic hauntings" are rare - they don't want to be known. It's a lot easier to influence people when they don't know demons are there, versus when they do know demons are present and what they are...or what they represent. They specialize in "lies" essentially..."I'm not hurting anyone if I have another drink and indulge my alcoholism", "it's just porn and I'm not addicted", "no one is there for me, I'm completely alone", "God isn't real, otherwise all these bad things in the world wouldn't happen" and so on...They often influence and create the bad things we see in this world. People are not born evil, but people make certain choices...Thankfully there is science now that proves such things are harmful to ourselves and others. I hope that, if not through spiritual awareness, through science, people will make better choices in their life.
Which brings me to another interesting connection... Out of all the near death experiences (NDE's) reported, 98% of people reported going to a wonderful, amazing place full of light and love. They reported seeing loved ones, and sometimes entirely new people that were of divine nature. But there was a small percentage, roughly 2% that reported a horrific experience...some would claim this to be "Hell". But it wasn't a hell in which we're taught...fire and brimstone. It was actually a complete disconnect from God and of being isolated or alone. There was no light, no one there, and an absolute isolation. Almost like a blackhole or solitary confinement.
Even more interesting is that when these people cried out or began to wish they were removed of this place, they began to "ascend" and began connecting with the divine.
Who knows what Hell is and if it exists, but if Heaven and Hell do exist and our God is a loving one...it makes sense that Hell wouldn't be some damning place where devils probe you with fiery pitch forks...it's rather a state of existing without God. God will leave you to your vices and freedom of choice, he/she/it will not interfere with your life. But if you reach out and ask for love, light, guidance, and so on...God will reciprocate. If you're unsure about your beliefs, ask for a "sign". Be open and be sincere. Also be patient...God doesn't work on billboards, although I wish it did! :) So whether it's through jealousy, hate, anger, lust, or other negative feelings...don't allow yourself to be isolated and alone. And don't allow these things to isolate others through your actions. Give love and be loved. As is everything in this world and beyond, things are cyclical and the law of attraction and reciprocity is abundant. Give and you shall receive. This holiday season, give love and company...and be grateful! :)
Always be yourself...that way your true friends, soulmate, and life's work can find you! Align with your soul and you'll find your true path.
There is a lot of clutter in our lives: jobs, advertising and the media, people, material items, and more. We're constantly bombarded by marketing messages (that are quiet often unhealthy), false ideas or goals, people who seek to use and abuse...the list goes on. Unfortunately, we get lost in this clutter all too often. And it's hard not to! Some of the clutter we have to incorporate in our lives to survive...but what clutter is blocking you from finding your true self? Your life's purpose and soul path?
What the heck is a soul path, Sam? Some of my readers know I've been researching and investigating the metaphysics and paranormal for over 16 years...and from what I've gathered, each and every person on this planet has a "soul path". A series of karmic lessons and "callings" they are to experience during their time on this floating ball of dirt and water. From near death experiences, psychics and mediums, visions, conversations with the "other side"...there is a general consensus that we apparently choose what to experience in our incarnation. But we do not remember this list once we're alive down here otherwise that would ruin the surprise of living! And we experience these things to further evolve our souls...to truly walk in different shoes each lifetime. We get to taste it all - the good and the bad. There is now indisputable evidence of past lives...a man even served time in prison for a murder he committed related to a past life. The murder victim incarnated, and as a child was able to recall the location of the murder weapon, where the body was, and was able to identify and locate the murderer. Sounds crazy right? Well it happens all around the world...if this interests you, I recommend reading "Children's Past Lives" by Carol Bowman.
So what is your purpose this lifetime? Consider yourself a detective. We're all trying to make sense out of this world and to find our place in it. Our paths are usually never straight - they wind, change directions, and sometimes loop around if we haven't learned a specific lesson, and so on. One of the best things we can do is identify if we're not on our life path. Are you involved in an unhealthy relationship, are your unhappy and feeling unfulfilled, are you working in a field that you're not passionate about, do you feel stuck living in a certain place?
What are you passionate about? Passions exist for a reason and they are a clue towards your true path. Follow your heart whether it be a hobby, a creative class, a new job, moving to a new city, etc. When you follow those "hunches" and inclinations, it's also your intuition working for you! When you begin spending time doing things you love...you're going to meet and attract people on the same "wavelength"...and thus you're going to find true friends, soulmates, and work that rings true to your soul. When we're busy doing jobs and things we don't like, we're reducing the chances of running into such people and places. You're basically in hiding, and it's very hard for the universe and Divine to help you when you're in hiding. But once you start following those passions, you're truly finding yourself.
So should you drop everything and run away? No, but start planning. Set a vision board, set goals, imagine what you want your life to be like and make it happen. You can create your destiny and your reality. Travel, get out of your comfort zone, and meet new people! Light & Love to you all!
Long time no...write? Or read? Either way, good to spend time with you readers again!
So often my blog contains happy-diddies and observations on how to live a happy life, etc. In the end, this posting does offer insight on how to avoid darkness. But today I decided to use this space to write about a paranormal case that many people on Facebook asked me to write about. I could be a jerk and tell you all to wait for a sequel to my published book "Fighting Malevolent Spirits" but alas I will write about it here :) ...and include more in the book if I write the sequel...I've started it but haven't taken on many cases in the last year so I could keep my sanity. This line of work takes a toll on your mind, body, and soul to say the least.
As some of you know I work on severe hauntings and/or demonic hauntings...some coined the term "demonologist" for my line of work and it's a helpful term but doesn't include all of what I do. Essentially, I do spiritual counseling, healing, work as a minister to remove the haunting, and on two occasions have dealt with what some call an "exorcism". Many Westerners believe exorcism is only performed under the Catholic umbrella, but really demons and exorcisms are a global, multi-cultural phenomenon. And there are multiple methods. I share these experiences in my book, on Facebook, and with others not for some "publicity" stunt (I've turned down numerous TV show offers mind you), but to relay back to readers and friends that..."Hey, this stuff is real. I've been investigating it, witnessed things...and there is good and evil in the world." It reminds me of in The Exorcism of Emily Rose, where she states, "How can people deny God, when I show them the devil?" And that is my purpose. To help those in need and to educate others that there is something to this...
So! The Alpena, Michigan case...
If you've read my book you'll know that before a client contacts me about a demonic case, I always have some sort of premonition or psychic dream that confirms what I'm about to deal with. In the times I didn't have such dreams or warnings, the case turned out not to be demonic. I like to think this "radar" is pretty accurate now! :) Prior to "Marie" contacting me I had another nightmare, or premonition. I dreamt (I like to use the British word dreamt...sounds better than dreamed) that I was with some younger woman...in her early 20's, dark hair, dark eyes, and I had her in a headlock (which I would never do) with my arms as I commanded the entities inside her to name themselves. She was possessed. The dream further illustrated this by showing me her wandering into traffic, nearly being hit by cars. Other foul images were shared and I awoke from the dream. I figured I was just having another nightmare, but didn't realize it was connected to a future case. Most dreams I have are battling with the demon or entity directly...not a possession or exorcism.
Marie is 25 years old, is a brunette with brown eyes. Her friend Stacy reached out to me saying she was concerned there was a demonic haunting going on and a possible possession. I found out later Marie was also having a reoccurring nightmare that she walks out to the mailbox and then is hit by a car. There seemed to be some similarities to my dream. Could also be coincidence.
Five years ago to the day that Ron and I visited with Marie, her husband died in a car accident. He was killed by a drunk driver. After his death Marie struggled with severe depression and attempting to numb her pain. She would often spend time lying next to his grave in the cemetery and "bitter" feelings towards God began creeping in. I frequently see people lose faith in God when something horrible happens here on earth...but people should remember there is freedom of choice down here - meaning both good and evil are among us. And we have this dynamic so that we can learn and develop our souls while on earth. We are here to learn - even if it is painful.
While at the cemetery, Marie felt a presence by her. She thought perhaps it was her deceased husband, Jim. Then she began to feel the spirit tug on her pant legs as if it were a small child. Marie informed us that she also said "stupid things" to the presence like, "Oh you're going to follow me now? You're going to come home with me apparently?" which may have also opened an opportunity for the entity to attach itself. In Marie's attempt to ward off this presence, it may have grown closer to her.
Marie eventually had her son, Evan, who is now four years old. A few months ago Marie, Evan, and her current boyfriend Eric moved into their current home. Within that first week little "odd things" would happen and everyone brushed it off. Then things began to progress. Eric has his own history of traumas and pain. There were also difficulties in their relationship but they were strong and worked through these together. However, it was a perfect breeding ground for a demonic entity, and is a dynamic I see in almost every demonic haunting. There is always pain and trauma, or vulnerabilities.
Evan started having an "imaginary friend" he would play with. This friend would tell Evan that his mom was going to die and he had to push her so she would hit her head. Evan would play with his trucks and Marie witnessed the trucks moving on their own when Evan was playing with his "friend". This friend would also be "scared" and hide while Marie's friend Stacy tried to perform a house blessing.
Stacy's husband came over to mow the lawn for Marie one day. While getting the lawn mower ready in the garage, Mike heard what sounded like a sledge hammer demolishing the house inside. No one was home. As he mowed by the front window he had an uncontrollable urge to keep looking in the window. He saw three, "reptilian-looking" fingers pull the curtains aside. Mike tried to remain calm but as soon as Marie and Stacy returned, he held back tears and left the house. "I didn't feel right, something was weird when I was there alone and then I saw it." He had also seen a hunched over figure through the curtains while mowing behind the house.
Marie witnessed Evan being scratched by the entity, which left an iconic mark of three scratches, as if the entity had claws. Marie had an experience while laying down in the living room where she felt a heavy weight on her chest and saw two red dots above her face. Marie believed these may have been eyes but could barely focus while struggling to breathe. Fights were increasing in the household and on one occasion Eric went into an angry tirade. The entity was influencing everyone and feeding off of their negative energy. Stacy convinced Marie to perform a house blessing with her after contacting me.
Stacy led the blessing and while they were in the midst of the blessing, Marie began throwing up and "blacked out". She also listed three demonic names as Stacy commanded the entities to name themselves. Marie had no recollection of this and it became evident that Marie may be struggling with possession. Marie's phone screensaver then changed to an image of a demon...one of which she listed during the blessing. No one had touched her phone and was seemingly impossible. While they were in the house they heard growling and laughter in the garage. Then there was the sound of a baby crying coming from a room in which they kept a baby changing station. Evan also heard this and made remarks. At around 3:00 a.m. Marie believes she had a possible miscarriage. Demonic entities are terrible, have no remorse and often prey on animals and things that bring us joy...such as a child.
Prior to our visit I instructed Marie to say prayers and ignore the entity until we could come perform the blessing and deliverance. One evening Marie put Evan to bed and was unsure of what prayers to say so she recited the "As I lay me down to sleep..." prayer for Evan. Later that evening while people were over the TV surround sound system turned on. It somehow connected to Youtube and began blasting "Enter Sandman" by Metallica. Which some of you may know has parts of that prayer in it. They turned it off but it kept coming back on and playing.
Finally Sunday arrived and we pulled into the driveway. I purchased a toy truck for Evan because he didn't want to lose his "friend", and I felt this would be a good bribing tool to get him to say goodbye to the demon. I felt an oppressive feeling in the house but nothing strong...often entities will hide while I am at the home. We sat and talked for awhile and then began the blessing. A nervous and angry energy began building up in the home as I prepared the items for the blessing. Eric agreed he was "on board" with the blessing but I was unsure of his commitment. When I walked into the house to first meet him, he laid on the couch and didn't seemed enthralled by our visit, refusing to get up. I shook his hand and eventually made him feel comfortable, however I suspected his faith wasn't entirely there, but I understood why. His entire family was devoutly religious which turned him off - I understood his feelings towards organized religion but it also left him with a negative bias towards the blessing we were going to perform. I only asked that he believe in a higher power and to call upon that divine being while we did the blessing...I hoped he was true to his word. If a client isn't 150% on board with the blessing or their faith in God, I cannot guarantee the blessing will work. Out of the two cases I had fail, it was due to all the family members not being present for a blessing and the other was due to a son's unwillingness to call upon the divine as he dabbled with darker things.
The blessing flowed smoothly but I did not feel the entity leave. I asked Evan where his friend was. He was reluctant to tell me. "Where is your friend, Evan?" Evan looked away and said, "In the stones..." I thought to myself, what stones? Under the house? In the yard? "Where are the stones, Evan?" "In mommy..." I got up and went into the kitchen and asked if Marie was wearing any jewelry, seeing as the "stones" could have been gem stones, kidney stones, etc. At that moment, Stacy informed me that she had just placed crystals and healing stones in Marie's hand. There is no way Evan could have known that. The entity seemed to be showing off its telepathic abilities, which many demons have. I don't think there was anything wrong with the stones...in fact the demon may have disliked these crystals and stones due to the fact they absorb negative energy.
I knew coming to the case that we might have to resort to an exorcism, it was something that I held in the back of my mind. During our counseling Ron and I saw Marie's eyes change. They darkened and she glared in anger. Marie felt nauseous and had a variety of emotions during the house blessing; anger, sadness, hopelessness, and so on. It was now time for us to focus on her. I had a much easier time jumping out of a helicopter this summer than I did with beginning an exorcism. I had been involved in a case before that included an unexpected pseudo-exorcism but never have I engaged in a full on exorcism. People are taught that only Catholic priests and exorcisms ordained by the Bishop are successful and allowed - it is a belief based on fear. However, I act based on the principles that Jesus taught..."Go and cast out demons." is what he instructed to his followers. He didn't send them to a ministry, he didn't give them specific prayers, and he certainly didn't make his followers have their exorcisms approved by someone first. The issues I see in this are that many people do not receive the bishop's permission and they are refused help. I have a problem with this.
Acting on my faith, and with over 15 years of research and nine years of working on demonic cases, I began the exorcism. I have fought with these entities since I was 17, I knew how they worked but this time it was inside of someone and not inside the house. I knew the steps and had the rites of exorcism before me. What I found interesting is that when I recited the rites, Marie had no reactions...but when I put the book down and preached what I know to be truths about God, Jesus, and the angels she would vomit and contort. I was distracted by reciting, but when I set the book down and spoke from my heart with conviction it seemed to upset the entity. I reached out my hand over Marie and a bolt of energy shot through me, which I can only describe as the Divine. I was trembling with adrenaline but then a calm but powerful presence over took me and I began praying over her in such a rapid succession I had no idea what I was going to say next but it just kept coming out. It was like "word vomit" but of the divine. I anointed her with holy water that my sister had given me. She brought back holy water from the House of the Virgin Mary in Turkey. We joked that it would be for "a Megatron Demon" and for worst case scenarios...I felt I needed it for this occasion and blessed Marie with it. Ron and Stacy pointed out that Marie had formed a rash on her forehead. It was a red rash on her skin in the sign of the cross where I had been placing the holy water. I anointed her forehead, mouth, and chest repeatedly during the deliverance. Guttural groans came from Marie and at one point she began choking, saying it felt like something was in her chest/throat.
I saw Marie's body contort; her toes curled in a way that I thought she was missing half of her big toe but realized she was writhing from the entity. Her fingers curled and her leg kept coming up under the table. She was sweating, vomiting, drooling, groaning, but nothing like you see in the movies. I continued with the exorcism and asked that everyone place their hands over her in love and pray. More vomiting happened. When we invoked Gabriel the Archangel she would vomit a lot. An hour and a half of this passed and I kept checking in with Marie when she would "come to" from her blackouts. Finally there was a release. I felt a change in the house. Right before this same moment, Evan had told Eric where his "friend" was. Eric and Mike went to that room and commanded the entity to leave. They came back to the kitchen where we were performing the exorcism and I felt the release. Marie had a lightness about her and everyone's mood changed. Eric and Marie cuddled and were affectionate with each other, no longer fighting and angry like during the counseling. Marie explained that she felt something in her chest/throat leave, like a huge blockage and weight was removed. Evan said, "Mommy okay now, good job." He stated that his friend was gone. I was relieved but still held my breath as there was a long road ahead for Eric and Marie...they desperately needed counseling otherwise the entity could come back.
As we packed up our belongings I kept informing them on how to keep the entity away. Two days went by and everything was wonderful according to Marie. I later received an email from Marie that Eric came back home one night in an angry tirade. Eric had possibly opened a door again and the entity was now attaching itself to him. I remember seeing him trail off during our warfare prayer and didn't seem to be committed to removing the entity...He laughed and joked during most of our time at the home which is often a reaction from being nervous and something I understand. Marie's possession had been removed, and the house was cleared of the entity's presence but it seemed it was now bothering Eric. Evan cried and said, "He's back, mommy. And he's scaring me." The "friend" was now showing it's true colors to Evan through Eric. Eric started counseling that Friday and we hope to perform an exorcism on Eric once he is stable and willing...without his permission and willingness to remove the attachment I can't do anything. It likely would be in vain and unsuccessful. It is also possible that Eric will be able to remove the entity himself through a change in lifestyle, spirituality, and mindset. Marie and Evan left to stay safe at her mother's, free from oppression and possession and eventually returned home. I pray that Eric will be successful with counseling and we can proceed with liberating everyone for good.
Update (10/21/15): Things have calmed down in the house and it appears the entity is gone but Marie is still on guard (which is good). She is using a Himalayan salt rock lamp to keep the home inhospitable for the entity. Eric is doing online counseling and Evan is doing well. Evan has mentioned playing with a friend but his behavior is now benevolent and happy, and the "friend" is not sinister in nature...likely a normal imaginary friend. We're are extremely happy to hear that!
Fear & Loving...yes, it kind of sounds like a play-on of Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. But it can sometimes surprise us when fear and love go hand in hand...At least I didn't realize it was fear. (Fun Fact: I listened to this song while I wrote...)
"You know, I'm tired of people being scared of getting hurt. Boo-hoo, get over it. Everyone get's hurt. So put yourself out there, take the risk, and live your life otherwise you'll miss out!" I've heard myself say similar things to friends and family, lending my "advice" as if I followed it too. I used to! It truly annoyed me how some people would rather live under a rock than risk their heart on the line...and yet I find myself a hypocrite again. *sarcastic applause*
I was confident I had tackled and mastered that karmic lesson...Learning to give love freely and letting love come into my life. Giving and receiving love, taking risks, and putting my heart out there. I am extremely warm and loving to almost everyone I meet, and always keep the good vibes flowing; it's something I enjoy doing. And yet I am greedy with my deeper heart these days I realized; not wanting to give it to anyone because sometimes I feel there isn't much left of it :/ I jokingly imagine some pathetic, and slightly brown, glob of ground-round meat, wrapped in Saran-Wrap with a name tag that reads, "Hello my name is, _Heart ". And that's my heart. ;) Charming! It's beat up and should probably retire from the shelf, ha.
In other circumstances my heart is strong, massive, and beats with the pride of an African drum - putting myself out there to help others, defending, and acting with courage. But with "intimacy" love my heart rotates like one of those hidden bookcase doors and the "love" side looks a bit funky. I don't know when this really started but I know the reasons why. Those reasons are the packing twine I keep around my hamburger-meat-of-a-heart and they are limiting, cumbersome, and tiring. And I didn't realize they were still there for the last several years, but now I see them. Now I get to cut them away. The same karmic lesson has come back to haunt me. "Ghost of Karmic Lessons Past" ;) I often see us repeating patterns until we break them and learn from them. So, it looks like I have to redo this exam once and for all.
Sometimes I'll let my true feelings and heart show, but it's brief and fleeting usually. Kind of like some weird version of "peek-a-boo" just to test the waters and see where the other person is at. This is one of those occasions where I hate being a Scorpio (yes we're going to bring up astrology again). We have this crusty and tough outer shell but inside we're "gooey" (check out the Glass Animals song called Gooey), extremely sensitive and love deeper than any of the other signs. We go to the depths of the ocean with feelings and are the most loyal. But that damn exoskeleton is the bane of my existence. I sometimes scare people off, and most unfortunately, I have pushed people away...people who showed me love.
Push. Pull. Repeat. Was this my attachment style as a child? I know us Millenials have a really messed up fashion of dating these days, as discussed in this great article, but what has been wrong with me the last several years? I understand that sociopath brainwashing, infidelity, and abandonment from multiple sources can do a Whopper on someone (we're continuing the burger theme haha) but logically I can see past it. My conscious brain is at peace with the matter, so I shouldn't be having this problem, right? Either my heart or subconscious (maybe both) still seems to have a hard time trusting others and accepting love. Why? Why do people push others away? Because of fear. I also think I do it as a survival and preservation technique sometimes. If you follow this blog (you should!) you've seen my previous posts about how fear holds us back and boy, does it ever.
We're afraid to be abandoned, to lose someone, to love and have love so wonderful that it's a nightmare and horrifying to risk losing it. This post discusses how this fear stems back to our childhood and how we have to make a conscious effort to break those patterns we learned as children. Easier said than done right? And what's even more tricky...is if those patterns were reinforced in your adult life. Break those patterns and those chains that bind you.
But let's not sound like Eeyore, and instead, focus on the moral here (yes, get to the point Sam). Love is an amazing thing. Really, it's the only thing in this world worth fighting and living for. What a horrible existence we would have if we lived in a world without love...it would be Hell, literally. Think about it! I find that the divine is love, and on the opposite side of the spectrum you have absolute absence of love. So! Love is probably the most important thing in this world, I think. It's a solution, it's a salve, a way of life, and a practice. Love is awesome!
So what can you do if you're a bit frosty and have been through some horrible things? One thing you can try is doing a chakra-balancing meditation (free on Youtube) and focus on the heart chakra. If you're still skeptical about "chakras" or "meridians" they've actually proven these energy centers exist in our bodies (dye pooled to these energy lines despite the dye being injected in muscles and not veins). Step two? Forgive. This one is really hard sometimes, especially if the offender really excels at being an a-hole ;) But! You need to do it. You don't have to forget, but try and forgive in a basic sense. Forgiveness is giving yourself permission to move on with your life and to not forget the hurt, but to no longer let it affect you.
One final suggestion is that you can heal your heart and "what has been taken" from your heart...by actually giving more. It seems contradictory. You may feel you have very little left to give, so why give away more? Because love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed...we transfer it and it flows like a fluid between souls. Start the chain reaction by giving a little love and you'll receive love, if not for the Law of Attraction as well. Start small if you must, but practice the art of giving and receiving. You can begin with minute gestures such as holding the door for someone, waving at the UPS guy, or giving a compliment. Eventually you can work your way up to bigger and more grand gestures, but monitor your happiness and heart during this journey. You'll notice you're healing yourself and others by giving them love. Essentially that is what reiki is too (healing with energy and your hands)! We all could use some extra love in our daily lives, so get out there and share it!
Love can thaw and heat up even the coldest of people...and if you're lucky you can get hot enough to fry up some old hamburger meat before it spoils from the shelf ;). Someone special has been knocking on my "heart-door" lately...I've progressed from yelling "Who is it?!?!", to peeking through the eye-hole, to cracking the door open, and now I'm moving on to opening it all the way and welcoming in their love with open arms.
