Human Centipede
Watch out - I'm cranky today :)
Contrary to my sibling, I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. I still don't. (Boo hoo, you say - and I agree). I have been avoiding the 9-5 job circuit for most of my adult life like leprosy and have serious commitment fears when it comes to a new job. Is it a fear of failure? Perhaps. Or maybe it's because I view the 9-5 job field as something comparable to the "Human Centipede" - A disturbing concept presented in the self-titled movie in which several individuals are sewn to each others asses and mouths. The C.E.O., as I view it, plays the lead role in consuming and then passing their shit on to the next person who is busy kissing their ass...and so the process continues until there is no shit left to pass on to the next unfortunate soul. That is sick! This is madness! Yes! It is! So why do we subject ourselves to such a lifestyle? Are there alternative options? I think so...or I rather hope so. Does anyone really love their job? I really do hope there are people out there that absolutely love their occupation...it brings me hope.
Maybe I just need to pull up my big girl panties and suck it up...but I have so many other things going on in my life that I juggle (running an organization, running my own business, fixing up a foreclosure house, running a mini-farm with goats, chickens and dogs, getting a book published, etc.) I find that my "work" doesn't fit in to a cookie cutter mold. Had this economy not taken a royal shit on all of us, I would be fine with depending on my video production business...but brides are scaling back and are deciding to hire only a photographer and not a videographer...video is a luxury I am told. A nice, considerate and low-maintenance bride is actually a luxury! :) Business is slower than I would like it to be but that is life!
Sarcasm aside - I think one of the scariest times in life is when you can't see a future, you're unsure of the next step, you feel closed in and a mental wall builds itself before your eyes. Kind of like in "Fantasia" when the mop and broom come to life with wizard Mickey Mouse, except these bricks begin piling themselves and you're really not in the mood for cartoons.Why can't I just be the dancing hippo in Fantasia...is that too much to ask for?
Look at how depressed, angry and disgruntled that mop looks, carrying it's bucket for Mickey Mouse. Why can't Mickey Mouse get off his lazy ass and put in some elbow grease?! Because he is also clued in to how the Human Centipede works, or the pyramid scheme, and instead has endorsed slavery along with his preceding fathers.
"Enjoy being a kid while you can!" and "Appreciate your body and figure while you have one!" God damn it my mother was right!!! I was in such a hurry to grow up, get on with life and now I find myself writing a bitter blog today that includes nostalgia regarding a Disney animation. Where has my life taken me?
Hurry up and wait. I started writing my book over a year ago and finished it within about three or four months. I started working with the publishers in March and have learned it is a very, very slow process. Similar to pouring molasses in Antarctica while on Valium. Did I mention slow? Speaking of slow...ironically, we are apparently closest to the Divine when we are silent and still. How will I resolve my apprehension, fear and anticipation? Likely, I will sit and meditate. I haven't truly meditated in awhile, and meditating in the car after someone cut you off and gave you the bird, isn't really true unadulterated meditation. I mean, Enya-style meditation. The kind of meditation in which you slip in to some other worldly dimension and almost never return to reality. Deep.
I am skeptical of my ability to reach that level of a zen-moment but I will make my best attempt...that is until the A.D.D. interrupts. "I need to fill up the dog food." "Why do gorillas have larger nostrils than chimps?" "Why is it called toe jam? Has anyone actually made it in to a jam? Ew. That is gross!" It is hard to fight myself. Perhaps I will gain some more insight soon and figure out which job offer to accept, and what road to travel upon.
I have been receiving strange "omens" or "signs" that I am unsure about or who it pertains too. Lots of owls have been appearing in my life. A great horned owl was outside my house (no, it wasn't about a pending death), owls on a greeting card sent to me, at my doctor's office, on facebook, etc. I keep seeing owls! Apparently owls also warn against being deceived by others. Am I deceiving myself? Is my potential employer deceiving me? Friends? Who knows. I am confused and I am sure by now God is getting sick of my lack of understanding. When this happens, I turn to my gifted friends who are mediums and psychics and ask for their wise counsel. I wish God would just post on a billboard for me and it would all make sense. Something I won't over analyze or confuse.
Anywho! I will write more happy, cheery, sunshine up my ass blogs sooner than later but since I haven't used this since 2011 I figured I would post something. So there you have it!
Question for readers: What do you do to find answers, peace or guidance? Share your tips and techniques with others! :)
As always, Light & Love to you all! -Sam-
