Death & Spiritual Signs

"I tried to race against time. I tried to race against death.
I hurried the holidays and I rushed our gatherings,
Terrified if we waited, it would be too late.

Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations came on November 11th, not the 27th. I didn't care, I was proud to host for him and my family. I tried to cram in as many fun events as possible, hoping it would give purpose for a longer life for him. By Christmas he was in the hospital, I rode in the ambulance with him to hospice. Proud to protect him and keep him company like his guard dog. I watched him doze in and out; he kept forgetting why he was there every few minutes. 

Death feels selfish, but so am I. I don't want to lose my loved one but I also know this isn't quality of life. I must learn to say goodbye to him in the flesh, but I know he'll be around in spirit.

Sometimes I forget I am just a human. That I can't beat death, no one can. Death isn't something we can race, outsmart or hide from. It is something we must all face whether we like it or not.

I know he will be going to an amazing place, living on after his physical death...I wish others knew this truth. I have seen glimpses of the other side, I even left my body during an operation and saw an angel or what looked like Jesus. I have encountered spirits, I have seen. I know goodbye is not forever."

***

I wrote the above the night my Great Uncle Charles was supposed to pass away. I received a call from my mother notifying me that hospice expected him to die that evening in a matter of hours. He was like a grandfather to me, the only man who was there my entire life with love and support. My mother and grandma stayed the night there, keeping him company. His breathing was labored and tortuous to watch. I demanded to drive down in the dark that night but they insisted I wait until morning. I feared he would pass away before I got to say goodbye but I resigned myself to waiting until morning. Oddly, I forgot to set my alarm that morning, I had cried myself to sleep, but was awoken by a random text message from someone around 5 a.m.

I woke up to my phone and hurried to pack up my belongings and dogs. Only three days prior I had a surgery that rendered me unable to lift anything over 15-30lbs for several weeks. How was I going to get the bulldogs in the car?!? I prayed to God to help me get the 60lb. bulldogs into the car. By the grace of God I somehow lifted those beefy sausages into the car, despite being in agony. :) I hurried down state - I was racing against death it felt like. The entire way down there I kept trying to tell my Uncle's spirit to wait until I got there to pass away. I wanted to be there for him, and to help console my grandmother and mom. I had no idea if he could receive that type of message telepathically, but I prayed the divine would help intervene. "Please God, don't let him go yet!"

It's about a good 3.5 - 4 hour drive from my house down to where Uncle was in hospice. I hurried to drop the dogs off at my mother's and raced over to his care center. Up the elevator I went with mom and down the winding halls, passing the elderly who sat there confused and disoriented. I saw my Uncle's name on the familiar door and we entered. Horror was painted across my grandmother's face, "I think he's already passed!" The nurses were checking his heart for what seemed like minutes. "I still hear a faint heartbeat...I'll give you a few minutes." This was it.

We knelt beside his bed and held his frail body as Uncle began his departure to the other side. My mother, grandma, and I took turns telling him how much we loved him, that we were sorry and would miss him dearly, and our thank-you's for his exceptional generosity and for being a huge part of our lives. "Go into the light, Uncle," my mother said. I raised my head to see if he was still with us. His eyes were now distant; no longer bright and sparkling with a soul. His breathing had stopped - he had gone to the other side. His "shell" of a body lay there. It was over.

Death isn't an aesthetically beautiful thing, but knowing your loved one is in a better place and free from suffering is bittersweet despite seeing something so horrible.  
 
Some people don't believe in "divine timing" or the spiritual world, but I do - with every fiber of my being. I believe my uncle's spirit waited for me to cross over, which means the world to me. What are the odds that he would pass later than expected and within those few seconds that I arrived? That someone would text me and wake me up exactly when I needed to be awake to arrive in time? He also was able to give us some other spiritual "signs" to let us know he's okay on the other side. I have seen so many things that are considered "paranormal" or "spiritual" in my life that I could never deny the existence of such a powerful force - God and the spiritual world is very much real but also very discrete sometimes. Spirit is quiet...but if you listen and you look for it, you will find it.

After he passed my mother and I sat outside. We saw and heard sandhill cranes. I made mention of it as I often notice totems and animal "signs". "I heard them last night too when I was outside praying to God about Uncle!" mom informed me. We got back in the car and on a brochure, sitting in the cup holder, was a sandhill crane...We got home and there were sandhill cranes sounding into the woods...I found an SD card on the ground while walking in the park with my grandma, mom, and sister days later. Somehow it was still readable by the computer and guess what pictures were on it? Sandhill cranes! I saw a few friends for drinks before leaving and guess what came up in conversation on their own behalf? Sandhill cranes! Coincidence? I took it as a sign. Sandhill cranes represent immortality and good fortune...the message Uncle's spirit was so desperately trying to tell my grandmother despite their religious upbringing. "I am okay! I am in the spiritual world but I am still with you" is how I interpreted it.    

One my good friends and gifted "readers" (check out www.angelwords.com) was kind enough to give my mother a spiritual message that night he passed away. Apparently Uncle unexpectedly made contact with her (they had never met before) and made sure to mention that he would give us a sign that he was okay in the form of hearing a small bell ring. And guess what?!?...

We had the visitation on Thursday and the funeral on Friday. Casterline Funeral Home in Northville has some of the nicest people on earth running the business! They have buried almost all of my family for generations so we are pretty close with them...in addition to my Uncle and mother owning a cemetery back in the day; we're familiar with the line of work and the associates. Apparently they had just put in a new lighting system a year ago with bulbs that last typically for 20 years. During both days for Uncle's visitation and funeral, a specific light kept turning on and off. On Friday a second bulb began doing weird patterns as well. The director later informed us that she never had this happen at a funeral there. One of Uncle's friends stated that the lights turning on and off was Uncle trying to say hello. Both she and her son heard my uncle call her name later that night in her home and yet "no one" was there. But there was more...

Friday was more difficult...perhaps because there was an air of "finality" about that day. It was the day we would put Uncle to rest in the ground, the conclusion of his lifetime. My sister and I did our best to read personal letters we wrote for Uncle out loud in front of those in attendance. We would be followed by a singer we hired for the ceremony, something I knew that would be beautiful but would kill me emotionally...I always lose it at funerals when people sing. During the singer's performance, clear as day, a small distinct bell sound rang out into the room and several of us looked at each other in confusion but also amazement. Was that Uncle? We sat and listened to the rest of the service, as not to distract or cause a scene. I figured it might have been someone's phone but wanted to believe it was Uncle.

Later we sat at his burial site, surrounded by our deceased family. I visited my grandfather's grave to say hello and placed a rose on his stone. I felt our loved ones with us in spirit, they were there to help support. "Amazing Grace" was sung for the service and I quietly fell apart into pieces. But my woes were again paused when very clearly another small bell sound broke the air. There was no logical reason for the bell sound - everyone's phone was off, no one was in that direction, the tent that we sat under was not clinking together on the metal poles...we had no explanation. My family and I were amazed again.

Ironically, or divinely, the singer came to talk with my mother and I after the service was over and we carried on a random conversation. All of a sudden the director joked about firing him for "that bell sound" during his singing and I immediately interrupted them. "We all heard that!" I exclaimed. "Yeah it was my computer's email notification, which is impossible because I turned off the internet on my computer but somehow a notification came through the speaker system and computer, and caused that bell sound. I am so sorry!" "No, please don't be. That means more than you know." We explained what our friend and psychic/medium had informed us. He was very intrigued. "I've never had that happen before, and I am always very strict about turning off the internet and all programs on my computer. I don't know how that's possible."

So, am I crazy for believing in the spiritual? I don't think I am, especially when that many spiritual things happened in 48 hours... :)

Light & Love to you all!
~Samantha~