Death & Spiritual Signs

"I tried to race against time. I tried to race against death.
I hurried the holidays and I rushed our gatherings,
Terrified if we waited, it would be too late.

Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations came on November 11th, not the 27th. I didn't care, I was proud to host for him and my family. I tried to cram in as many fun events as possible, hoping it would give purpose for a longer life for him. By Christmas he was in the hospital, I rode in the ambulance with him to hospice. Proud to protect him and keep him company like his guard dog. I watched him doze in and out; he kept forgetting why he was there every few minutes. 

Death feels selfish, but so am I. I don't want to lose my loved one but I also know this isn't quality of life. I must learn to say goodbye to him in the flesh, but I know he'll be around in spirit.

Sometimes I forget I am just a human. That I can't beat death, no one can. Death isn't something we can race, outsmart or hide from. It is something we must all face whether we like it or not.

I know he will be going to an amazing place, living on after his physical death...I wish others knew this truth. I have seen glimpses of the other side, I even left my body during an operation and saw an angel or what looked like Jesus. I have encountered spirits, I have seen. I know goodbye is not forever."

***

I wrote the above the night my Great Uncle Charles was supposed to pass away. I received a call from my mother notifying me that hospice expected him to die that evening in a matter of hours. He was like a grandfather to me, the only man who was there my entire life with love and support. My mother and grandma stayed the night there, keeping him company. His breathing was labored and tortuous to watch. I demanded to drive down in the dark that night but they insisted I wait until morning. I feared he would pass away before I got to say goodbye but I resigned myself to waiting until morning. Oddly, I forgot to set my alarm that morning, I had cried myself to sleep, but was awoken by a random text message from someone around 5 a.m.

I woke up to my phone and hurried to pack up my belongings and dogs. Only three days prior I had a surgery that rendered me unable to lift anything over 15-30lbs for several weeks. How was I going to get the bulldogs in the car?!? I prayed to God to help me get the 60lb. bulldogs into the car. By the grace of God I somehow lifted those beefy sausages into the car, despite being in agony. :) I hurried down state - I was racing against death it felt like. The entire way down there I kept trying to tell my Uncle's spirit to wait until I got there to pass away. I wanted to be there for him, and to help console my grandmother and mom. I had no idea if he could receive that type of message telepathically, but I prayed the divine would help intervene. "Please God, don't let him go yet!"

It's about a good 3.5 - 4 hour drive from my house down to where Uncle was in hospice. I hurried to drop the dogs off at my mother's and raced over to his care center. Up the elevator I went with mom and down the winding halls, passing the elderly who sat there confused and disoriented. I saw my Uncle's name on the familiar door and we entered. Horror was painted across my grandmother's face, "I think he's already passed!" The nurses were checking his heart for what seemed like minutes. "I still hear a faint heartbeat...I'll give you a few minutes." This was it.

We knelt beside his bed and held his frail body as Uncle began his departure to the other side. My mother, grandma, and I took turns telling him how much we loved him, that we were sorry and would miss him dearly, and our thank-you's for his exceptional generosity and for being a huge part of our lives. "Go into the light, Uncle," my mother said. I raised my head to see if he was still with us. His eyes were now distant; no longer bright and sparkling with a soul. His breathing had stopped - he had gone to the other side. His "shell" of a body lay there. It was over.

Death isn't an aesthetically beautiful thing, but knowing your loved one is in a better place and free from suffering is bittersweet despite seeing something so horrible.  
 
Some people don't believe in "divine timing" or the spiritual world, but I do - with every fiber of my being. I believe my uncle's spirit waited for me to cross over, which means the world to me. What are the odds that he would pass later than expected and within those few seconds that I arrived? That someone would text me and wake me up exactly when I needed to be awake to arrive in time? He also was able to give us some other spiritual "signs" to let us know he's okay on the other side. I have seen so many things that are considered "paranormal" or "spiritual" in my life that I could never deny the existence of such a powerful force - God and the spiritual world is very much real but also very discrete sometimes. Spirit is quiet...but if you listen and you look for it, you will find it.

After he passed my mother and I sat outside. We saw and heard sandhill cranes. I made mention of it as I often notice totems and animal "signs". "I heard them last night too when I was outside praying to God about Uncle!" mom informed me. We got back in the car and on a brochure, sitting in the cup holder, was a sandhill crane...We got home and there were sandhill cranes sounding into the woods...I found an SD card on the ground while walking in the park with my grandma, mom, and sister days later. Somehow it was still readable by the computer and guess what pictures were on it? Sandhill cranes! I saw a few friends for drinks before leaving and guess what came up in conversation on their own behalf? Sandhill cranes! Coincidence? I took it as a sign. Sandhill cranes represent immortality and good fortune...the message Uncle's spirit was so desperately trying to tell my grandmother despite their religious upbringing. "I am okay! I am in the spiritual world but I am still with you" is how I interpreted it.    

One my good friends and gifted "readers" (check out www.angelwords.com) was kind enough to give my mother a spiritual message that night he passed away. Apparently Uncle unexpectedly made contact with her (they had never met before) and made sure to mention that he would give us a sign that he was okay in the form of hearing a small bell ring. And guess what?!?...

We had the visitation on Thursday and the funeral on Friday. Casterline Funeral Home in Northville has some of the nicest people on earth running the business! They have buried almost all of my family for generations so we are pretty close with them...in addition to my Uncle and mother owning a cemetery back in the day; we're familiar with the line of work and the associates. Apparently they had just put in a new lighting system a year ago with bulbs that last typically for 20 years. During both days for Uncle's visitation and funeral, a specific light kept turning on and off. On Friday a second bulb began doing weird patterns as well. The director later informed us that she never had this happen at a funeral there. One of Uncle's friends stated that the lights turning on and off was Uncle trying to say hello. Both she and her son heard my uncle call her name later that night in her home and yet "no one" was there. But there was more...

Friday was more difficult...perhaps because there was an air of "finality" about that day. It was the day we would put Uncle to rest in the ground, the conclusion of his lifetime. My sister and I did our best to read personal letters we wrote for Uncle out loud in front of those in attendance. We would be followed by a singer we hired for the ceremony, something I knew that would be beautiful but would kill me emotionally...I always lose it at funerals when people sing. During the singer's performance, clear as day, a small distinct bell sound rang out into the room and several of us looked at each other in confusion but also amazement. Was that Uncle? We sat and listened to the rest of the service, as not to distract or cause a scene. I figured it might have been someone's phone but wanted to believe it was Uncle.

Later we sat at his burial site, surrounded by our deceased family. I visited my grandfather's grave to say hello and placed a rose on his stone. I felt our loved ones with us in spirit, they were there to help support. "Amazing Grace" was sung for the service and I quietly fell apart into pieces. But my woes were again paused when very clearly another small bell sound broke the air. There was no logical reason for the bell sound - everyone's phone was off, no one was in that direction, the tent that we sat under was not clinking together on the metal poles...we had no explanation. My family and I were amazed again.

Ironically, or divinely, the singer came to talk with my mother and I after the service was over and we carried on a random conversation. All of a sudden the director joked about firing him for "that bell sound" during his singing and I immediately interrupted them. "We all heard that!" I exclaimed. "Yeah it was my computer's email notification, which is impossible because I turned off the internet on my computer but somehow a notification came through the speaker system and computer, and caused that bell sound. I am so sorry!" "No, please don't be. That means more than you know." We explained what our friend and psychic/medium had informed us. He was very intrigued. "I've never had that happen before, and I am always very strict about turning off the internet and all programs on my computer. I don't know how that's possible."

So, am I crazy for believing in the spiritual? I don't think I am, especially when that many spiritual things happened in 48 hours... :)

Light & Love to you all!
~Samantha~

My Phoenix Dream :)

Hey everyone!

I've written a previous post about gratitude...and how important it is to have gratitude even when you're in the poopiest of times and tribulations. When you don't have gratitude, and instead complain, worry, or embody other negative habits, you can actually create more problems. The universe will respond and teach you even harder lessons. When you're not grateful the universe will stop providing and you will see just how bad things can really get...

As hard as it may be, don't grow your issues into something bigger.

But anywho! I had an amazing dream that I was so excited about when I woke up. Over the years I have taken the time to practice remembering my dreams, taken the time to meditate on them and I write them down in the morning. I love looking back on my dreams to see if anything matched and often these "premonitions" and symbols are very accurate.

I'll get to my dream in a minute but I remember part of my dream, in another "segment", was discussing how being a healer, we often lose part of our longevity/life here on earth. That the more people we heal, the more we expire a bit earlier. I found it ironic as there is evidence that linked healers, psychics, mediums, and empaths with early health problems, death, disease, etc. I think it is because we absorb other people's energy and woes, if not properly cleared, it can become a problem.

Anyways here is my cool dream!

"There were all these family problems going on (currently accurate with illness). My family was complaining, worrying, and other negative behaviors regarding the current state of affairs and tribulations. I was at my mother's house and we were both outside by the driveway. There was this huge, beautiful red bird sitting by the dinner bell in the berm/trees that caught my attention. It looked like a red macaw but the end of its tail curled and faded into an iridescent and gorgeous maroon, purple, and grey (P.S. I like the British way of spelling grey, it looks more natural, ha). I knew what this bird was - it was sacred. I asked my mom what the common name of the bird was, as my mom is great with identifying birds. "Frosted Mandrake" or a "Smoking Mandrake" is what my mom told me its name was.  

To everyone else this bird was as common as a cardinal, blue bird, and so on. Ordinary?!? No one seemed to know what it was and the powers it had - it was a phoenix! In my dream, this rare mythological bird actually lived amongst people, but humans had no idea that it was the legendary phoenix and thus no one appreciated it. I approached the phoenix and he flew over to the porch a short distance away and watched me. I approached him again and he flew upwards, as if testing me to see how far I would follow and if I was dedicated. I called to the phoenix with a whistle and he returned. I had my arms outstretched towards him and the sky, and he came and picked me up.

Despite being the size of a macaw, this bird had incredible strength and was able to carry me - easy-peasy. The phoenix rescued me and took me away from the problems. I held on to its legs and talons as we soared (hell yea lol). I remember adjusting my hands to hold the phoenix better so I wouldn't fall to the earth, and between his very sharp talons I felt these incredible soft and warm pads that he held me with. The phoenix was nurturing and not just some bird of prey. The bird took me back to its huge nest that had other phoenixes there. They weren't offpsring but were other adult birds; it was more of a community nest than a maternal nest. I remember all of them looking at me as I stepped into/onto the nest that was past the cloud line; confused as to why a human was up there but I was welcomed. I don't remember what happened or what I experienced there but then I was back on earth at a house somewhere and my sister was telling me she had a dream I died. I apologized to her but I was so excited about this encounter.

I researched "smoking mandrake" and realized it was a literal reference. Shamans, healers, witches, and so on would smoke mandrake root for spiritual experiences although without proper dosing it can be dangerous. I've always had an infinity for the folklore and story of the mandrake plant (how it was almost a human) let alone plant medicine and shamanism.

Sometimes I will have dreams that a shaman or healer will come to me in my sleep and will give very specific instructions for me. "You are an animal empath, go heal animals at the shelter." "Take mandarin leaf extract" and other weird things that I didn't even know existed or were possible prior to my dream. Am I going to go smoke some mandrake root because of a dream? Probably not, but I'd be open to it ;) I still want to go back to Peru for a ceremony and cleanse/heal myself one of these days! Until then, I figured you guys might find this interesting! Any interpretations of the dream you'd like to share? Post it in the comments! :)

Light & Love to you all!
~Samantha~      

Taking Chances & Ego

Hey everyone,

Life has been a zoo (as usual, ha) but I wanted to get on here and write another blog for you guys and to give you an update! *cheer*

I've been writing another miniature book, also known as a "business plan", regarding opening a storefront...oy! This is when I wish I was more psychic and able to predict exact numbers, timelines, revenues, etc. But, alas, I cannot. I just have to trust that I will do my best, give it a shot, and whatever is meant to be will be. I hopefully won't miss out on getting this building, but worst case scenario I'll find another one to pursue one day. I will take the risk.

This post will probably stem from my previous one, about how we let fear control us...but with a bit of a different flavor or twist. We're going to talk about our ego and risks...  

Life is about taking chances, risks, putting yourself out there, winning and losing, and continuing regardless of the outcomes.

If we had the ability to know what each year, month, or day would hold for us, we probably wouldn't get out of bed (at least I probably wouldn't have for the last 3-4 years, but things are slowly turning around and I pushed myself). I firmly believe that is why we aren't "allowed" to know too much regarding the spirit realm, divine timing, the future, and so on...because that element of surprise, those risks we take, are what help us learn karmic-wise. If we knew the exact divine plan for our lives we would live differently; we might avoid those lessons, or try to take the easy way out. Instead we are blind and go about our days based on faith, past experiences, and perhaps intuition for some.

So many of us just go on with our lives sticking with the status quo because, "Hey! At least everything is going smoothly...why mess that up by taking a risk or a chance on something?" or "I've done this before. This is what works, even if I am not 100% happy with it, but it works...therefore I'll stick with it." But the problem is these people aren't being true to themselves. They aren't honoring their spiritual side, higher self, or "soul path" if they're sticking with something that doesn't align with their real desires and soul.  

Why don't we take more chances? What are the intrapersonal narratives that go through your mind and prevent you from trying? "Because it's silly", "It wouldn't work", "It's too hard", "I'm too afraid", "I don't know what would happen", "Things are fine the way they are now". Lame! Shake yourself for a minute and realize that is your ego speaking...this human, weak, and delusional creature that lives in our minds and holds us back from experiencing some of the coolest things possible. I'm not talking about the "ego" you think of when someone is arrogant, confident, and so on. Ego, in spiritual terms, is very different although it can include some of those latter facets.

Say for example you're beginning to work on your psychic development. You begin to see images, hear words, or get feelings...then the ego pops in to say, "Hey, that's just your imagination. This isn't real. Don't trust yourself. Instead, doubt yourself and shut down completely." That is ego. Ego can be helpful sometimes in keeping us realistic and grounded, but more often than not I see it as a big old pain in the butt...much the The Oatmeal's "Blerch".

The Oatmeal is pretty funny if you haven't checked it out yet, click on that image or link above. 

Ego is a little bastard in fact. Ego can cause people to betray one another, doubt ourselves, and be too "human" on our spiritual path...when really we're trying to evolve ourselves...to "ascend" spiritually. Ascending, learning, or "developing our souls" is actually the goal both here on Earth and on the "other side"...it may even be the meaning of life. (Yes...in a blog that no one reads, we may have just uncovered the meaning of life!! :) We are spiritual beings in a human shell; there is parascience that backs this up for those skeptics. So really, we should be trying to be more spiritual during our time here on earth. To be more understanding, patient, loving, respectful, appreciative, helpful...what the divine is. But if we don't challenge ourselves, we don't take risks, we don't act on faith...we can't evolve faster. We can't learn as much as if we did push ourselves and try.

So what can you do to evolve more quickly and learn? Take more chances. Meet new people. Try different things. Challenge yourself. Help others. Do something unexpected. Just simply get out there and....start. Try. Do. Learn.  

That may sound scary to some but remember there is a "Big Guns" upstairs watching over you, there are people around you that can help (if you simply put aside your ego and ask), and have faith. We are our own worst enemies and hold ourselves back all too often.  And remember...you always have choices and options. You are never "blocked in" or "stuck"...you can choose to do something about it. There are other ways of getting around or out of something. You will never regret trying something and succeeding or failing, than wondering about it for the rest of your life. I guarantee it! (I just was reminded of the Men's Warehouse commercial..."You're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it!") So what are you waiting for? Go forth my beloved readers! Take a chance and do something you love :)

 Light & Love to you all!
~Samantha~