Once in awhile I’ll hear someone say, “You share a lot
online….” when really, I actually don’t – there are so many things I omit from posts and my
discussions with others because I like to keep 99% of my postings positive,
upbeat, or humorous…I don't want to be like the media, always portraying the "bad" and the "ugly" of our world. We all have our struggles, however. Life is hard. But
sometimes, once in a blue moon, I need to feel,
to be authentic…to not put on the mask of “always okay” and “happy”. And I’ve actually had others reject that…or attempt to not allow it. To stop me from expressing
my True Self. Have you ever had anyone invalidate your feelings? To tell you,
you’re wrong…that you’re playing a victim, or that they understand your
situation and it’s no big deal…it is the strangest thing. At those moments I wonder if I'm talking with a robot...or a narcissist.
I want to discuss or elaborate on how we support one another in life, and especially during hard times. For some people, it takes a lot of courage to say or let others know, "Hey, I'm having a hard time right now." So when that happens, how do we respond? How can we help them?
I think that many people try to say they “understand” to
show support and to allow the person who’s experiencing something to know that
they aren’t alone. Then there are others who say they “understand” to undermine
and invalidate what you’re experiencing…because to them it isn’t a big deal, so
“get over it”. In both situations, saying you "understand" can actually be harmful. But how? Saying “I understand” when really we
don’t, is basically invalidating someone's feelings or artificially consoling them. Instead of claiming to relate…it may be
more helpful and healing to say, “I can only imagine. I’ve never been in
your shoes, but I love you and I feel for you and the pain you’re
experiencing…”
Unless we’ve experienced the exact same situation, there is
no way for us to “understand” what someone is going through. The best thing we
can do is be loving, supportive, and understanding…(pun somewhat intended,
ha). Sometimes it’s best to not offer
advice or your opinion, and especially not criticism. Occasionally, all that
person needs is for you to listen and acknowledge, not to play devil’s advocate
or to counter your thoughts with differing views. What that person shares with you is something to be respected and not a topic of discussion with others. So unless you've "been there", don't try to claim that you "know". Accept that what is being discussed is an area that is unfamiliar to you, but that you empathize for that person...that you have compassion for their situation and feelings. You can never go wrong by being loving.
So that's the lesson I reflected on today! I hope life is doing well by all of you! In addition to some other major things, I've been under the stress of having to scramble to find a new practitioner after our midwife transferred our care...and I'm due to give birth very soon. Trying to ensure our son is healthy as well. Everything I've been planning for, visualizing, getting comfortable with...is now gone, so that's a big adjustment to make. I now will have to be in an environment that gives me extreme anxiety, my fiance' won't be able to participate as much, there will be many more interventions, I won't be able to see my dogs, and will be in a place where sick people and MRSA congregate, ha! Not my favorite to say the least...I feel robbed of a very sacred and empowering experience but you have to roll with the punches. I pray I won't be forced into procedures and medications because I didn't fit the hospital's "timeline". I'm praying for a speedy labor, but you never know. Prayers and good mojo are always accepted :) Thank you!
I hope everyone is having a wonderful end of summer/beginning of fall :) Light & Love to you all!
~Samantha~
